Week Twelve - Quarterly Review

29^th January 2012

For the past 5 years my working life has been one of regular appraisals and objective setting. The nature of personal development in the office settings I’ve encountered compared to my current situation seems so alien. I am solely responsible for my personal development during my stay here. Rik is great and teaches and challenges us regularly, but he does this out of kindness rather than obligation. 

Church Farm isn’t against people gaining experience and learning, in fact quite the opposite, but it feels as though you have to take your initiative; go out and ask questions, research the things you want a deeper understanding of, and propose any challenges you would like to take on. It feels very much more open than the opportunities I’ve had previously, and so much dependant on personal desire and initiative. This seems a more organic way of learning than any I have experienced before, but I appreciate perhaps not one that would work for everybody, perhaps part and parcel of an internship? It is certainly a situation I’d like to replicate in the future when I hope to have developed my own experiences and knowledge enough to pass them on.

Now I’m afraid I have to offer a counter to this idyllic situation. It’s really hard! I’m often so tired that I don’t find the time to catch up with everyone I’d like to, I struggle to make the time to write this blog, and certainly to research it as much as I’d like to. I have lots of ideas of things I’d love to do and learn here, but not the time to develop them. In the evenings I find I’m often too physically exhausted to consider focussing my mind for long periods of time. My one day off each week follows the two days of box packing and delivering which means I’m so exhausted, unless I’m away I’ll sleep through half of it. If I am away in the morning I know I’ll be tired through the rest of the week. The tiredness is catching up with me in this my third month

However, several days a week I have a lovely period between finishing in the fields and going up to dinner which, when utilised, is perfect for all of this. I feel like I am growing to know and understand the needs of my body much more than ever before. I know how much sleep I need and when I need to rest (even if I don’t always do it). I eat fresh, seasonal and organic food every day so my body feels well from the inside out. The next few months have to be a time where I always consider how much rest I need, but make the time to start developing in all the ways I hope to.

This Sunday I’ve taken and afternoon off in lieu for the extra hours spent on the boxes. It feels hard to take this most of the time. We can’t have time off packing, it just wouldn’t be fair on the rest of the team, and I really don’t want to take hours away from horticulture. Every day is different and there is so much to learn four days a week sometimes doesn’t seem enough. This afternoon has felt like a very productive use of time; I’ve not only rested, I’ve read, written and somehow screwed my head back on after a few days (possibly weeks) of wandering and wondering.

So I suppose I have given myself an appraisal, without needing to have the approval of my line manager and adhering to a strict criteria and format laid out before me. So long as I keep checking on myself, I hope this is both a sensible, achievable and enjoyable approach. 

PS I don't quite have the lines that this photograph shows... but they won't be far off with all of this outdoor living :)